My phone is full of pictures of Renea and our boys. A few of the pictures have certainly captured us doing life as we know it (crazy, messy, and loud) but the majority of the pictures depict us doing life rather well. In fact, if I didn’t know any better I would think that we were actually “winning” in this whole family and parenting thing. Disclosure: If Renea and I have ever given you the impression that we’re “winning” at this whole parenting thing, I assure you that the majority of the time we are simply surviving.

Behind all the perfect pictures of smiles, hugs, and laughter that are often portrayed are the many temper tantrums, disappointments, and struggles that go unnoticed. That’s why it’s so important that we not compare our marriages and our families to others on social media. If we’re not careful, we will see all the “perfect couples” and “perfect children” and start to wonder where we went wrong and why our life isn’t so perfect. If you are guilty of this, please stop. Stop comparing your crazy, unorganized, and dysfunctional life with others. You are only seeing them at their best when their new family picture gets 300 likes and comments. They, like you, struggle. We ALL struggle! There are days when we fail and there are days we REALLY fail.

Raising 3 boys is hard, especially when 2 of the 3 are very strong-willed. Now don’t get me wrong, the other one is far from perfect but as of now (knock on wood) he is much more laid back and a more “go with the flow” kind of kid. If you’re a parent of a strong willed child or teenager, God bless you. You truly know the location of wits end and you know the feeling of true defeat. You have undoubtedly researched the latest book or latest blog on “strong willed children” and have tried every darn behavioral technique that’s been invented only to get the same result…a strong(er) willed child. Sound like you? Breathe…Relax…EVERYTHING is going to be ok. You see I have claimed God’s promise in Proverbs 29:17 which reads “Correct thy son, and he shall give thee rest; yea, he shall give delight unto thy soul”. My boys give me constant delight despite all their shenanigans but I know that one day they will give their mother and I even more delight as they grow in the Lord. It’s our job to love, teach, and correct our children and God promised us that if we do that we’ll raise children who will bring us delight! How stinkin’ awesome is that!?

A strong will in your children is nothing to fear…it’s a blessing! Of course our strong willed children require more patience and guidance but they also require strong parents who gently, yet firmly, remind them that there is still much to learn and their way isn’t always the best. Yes, there are times when we feel like we’re talking to a rock. There are times it feels as though we’re going in reverse rather than going forward. There have been times Renea and I want to throw our hands up in surrender and simply scream, and yes, there are times we’ve even done that! But there are also times we sit back and watch in amazement at the drive and determination that is coming from those same children. In those very moments, we’re able to catch a small glimpse of the greatness that is inside of them and the potential that they possess.

The beauty of our strong willed children is that they are strong. I want my determined, sometimes impossible child to stand up first to me so that someday they can stand up against the world with the same determination and drive that often causes me to lose my sanity. Yes, our strong willed children chase hard after what they want, but one day with God’s help, they will chase hard after what is right. That’s why I refuse to give up on my boys when their strong will clashes with mine. I know their potential and what lies ahead. Instead of worrying and stressing, I choose to trust the Lord. We already dedicated all of our boys to Him and I’m convinced that these tough and trying days will one day bring their momma and me much delight! So instead of stressing too much and pulling your hair out, be thankful that those same children that seem impossible will one day do the impossible. We may lose many battles along the way, but we will not lose the war!

I will leave you with an article from the Christian Counseling & Educational Foundation. “Stop trying to make things turn out a particular way and just do the hard work of godly parenting. Do not judge its effectiveness by your child’s response. Simply wrestle with this: Is my parenting loving? Is it consistent? Is it wise? You will fail, be convicted, and need forgiveness on those fronts alone. The rest must be left to the work of the Spirit in a child’s life.” So keep going, parents! You’ll no doubt reap a harvest IF YOU DON’T GIVE UP.

Praying for you always,
Dustin